Happy Ho-lidays, Dummies!

I’d like to say I’ve been away on a Punk Rock Pilgrimage to the Holy Land to become one with the scene… only emerging from my meditative solitude to bring you mind blowing wisdom regarding the current state of pop punk. But I’d be full of shit. Life just got in the way. Let me make it up to you and close out this year with some fun.

You like girls, you like punk rock? Well, have I got a present for you! It’s raunchy, gritty, diy glampunkrock fun. And I am stoked to bring it to you as my first ladycentric piece! We all know how rare and precious females are in the annals of punk rock adoration. Let’s change that, shall we? Because, in the immortal words of Mr. Dan Vapid himself, I fell in love with a girl group.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you… The Lorrainas!

The Lorrainas are far from the new kids in town. You’ve probably even heard these hits before. It wasn’t until this year that they hit my radar and I’m thankful they finally did. Lasha explains the group was birthed in Hamilton, Ontario in 2004 when she and the ladies were dating musicians and figured there was no reason they couldn’t do it too. And thankfully, they do it just as good. The Lorrainas originally included Forgotten Rebels drummer, Pete Lorimer alongside the core girlsquad of Becky, Lisa, Kerry, and Lasha. Pete left in 2005, shortly after the CD release of Fast Kitties. The band managed to play a ton of gigs and were included in the 2005/2006 Warped Tour. Since then, none other than Jimmy and Scotty Vapid switch off hitting the skins. Proof positive that it takes legendary status to be worthy of backing up these tasty, rocking queens. If you’re a fan of the equally bitchtastic sounds of bands like The Kowalskis, Bobbyteens, The Donnas, and the godfathers themselves, New York Dolls, you are going to have a riot doing The Lorrainas!

So, go grab a Labatt’s, slide into your sluttiest platform heels and let’s Party ‘Til It’s Dark with some of Canada’s coolest and raunchiest babes.

The album kicks off with Peroxide Suicide and Kiss My Ass. Two fierce tales of feeling fed up and sick of your shit. Right from the start, you know you are looking at some straight up attitude. It’s honest and raw and, if you’re like me, you’re gonna see yourself in a lot of these songs. Take Track 3, for instance. Nymphomercials is a hilariously honest walk down memory lane. We’ve all spent a night or two with the upstanding folks on TV selling us 1-800-LOVE (scrambled late night Cinemax, anyone?). Lasha’s just not shy about admitting it. And you shouldn’t be either. One of the highlights of this album for me is that it reminds you that we women have sex on the brain as much as any dude.

Speaking of love and sex…or should I say, L-U-V…. Next up is Love, Sex, Terror. This one excited me! There’s some seriously heavy New York Dolls vibe going on in this bass led, slow jam rock n roller. Good times with a smidge of slow, chunky surf guitar thrown in for extra flare. Keeping up with the New York state of mind, Johnny picks up the beat and brings us the lament of falling in love with a Johnny Thunders clone. In a way it disproves the borrowed line, “You can’t put your arms around a memory.” It’s a great song and goes to show, you can’t help who you fall in love with sometimes. Let’s just hope they stick around and stop fucking around with Chinese rocks.

Closing out Side A, The Lorrainas gift us two added tracks, Superman Garbageman is a balls to the wall reminder of who’s in charge here. Essentially, get with me or get the hell out. Don’t waste my time and “Love me!”, damn it. The only risk there is things might get a little Tricky. Tricky is a fantastic closer and wakes us up with “Oh shit, I fucked up. I’m someone else’s girl. Time to put on my big girl boots and get control.” And that’s exactly what Party ‘Til It’s Dark shows us with Side B. Badass chicks in charge.

Now let me set the scene here. Listening to the last half of this album, my mind couldn’t escape visualizing a totally Tarantino-esque grindhouse flick. I’m imagining the opening shot where this dolled up girl gang (think Pink Ladies, Rizzo style) busts through the corral doors of the dankest, seediest dive bar in town and takes over the joint as Jump Your Bones with it’s surfy Spiderman lead in blasts from the jukebox. Good, huh? You listening, Tarantino? Call me.

Sticks And Stones follows up with some grit laced bubblegum rhythm and shifts in and out with aggressive, ‘you’ll be sorry if you wrong me’ sass. Twisted offers up some sweet guitar tones and reminds you these ladies aren’t fucking around. Bitches aren’t just back, they’re here for good with track 4 of Side B, No Strings Attached. These fast kitties don’t need no Romeo. They’re hungry and need to be fed. Raw, animalistic sex, best meal of the day.

Grrrrl, it’s on. It’s Rectified. The last original track from the CD release, Fast Kitties. This instrumental is the perfect piece to slide us into the finish line with, just like Side A, two previously unreleased tracks. Japanese Letters is a rocking reminder that we ladies can be as raw, badass, and hard as any man but we can still manage to get weak in the knees about love and go all soft inside when he pays attention; even if it has to come in the form of long distance letters.

Finishing out this ferocious album is Fast Kitties. There is no better way to close out an album than with high energy, wailing guitars and aggressively assertive lyrics showing you who’s boss. “Taking over, man by man” is now officially my mantra, by the way. You’ve been warned. With women like these goddesses backing you up, you will rule the world. OK, maybe not the world. Maybe it’s just the dark and smoky bar down the street, but you’ll rule nonetheless.

Party ‘Til It’s Dark is on its way to you very soon via the fine dudes at Mom’s Basement Records and Surfin’ Ki records. You know how it goes, though. Delays, delays, delays. Hopefully we can pull these out of our stockings before the year ends. But only if you’re nice and naughty. I’m keeping a list and checking it twice.

Wheaton Hop out.